


thorns & roses

by LIGHTSJOON



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Established Relationship, I DONT MAKE THE RULES, Love, M/M, Magical Realism, Memory Alteration, Non-Linear Narrative, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Thriller, Train of Thought, idk how to tag, just a lot of feels, listen if seungjun says his name is spelled with a u then it's spelled with a u, rekindling love, resdiscovering love, somewhat inspired by sukhumvit swimming, the train at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27257830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LIGHTSJOON/pseuds/LIGHTSJOON
Summary: falling in love is a lot like flowers blooming. beautiful, yet fleeting.;alternatively: a story where hyojin and seungjun unknowingly catch a ride on the train of thought, a place commonly known to grant its passengers the ability to hear the thoughts of their loved one. but not everything is as it seems.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. full bloom.

**Author's Note:**

> this work is not beta read. 
> 
> thanks for understanding! enjoy <3

_ Some people could be given an entire field of roses and only see the thorns in it.  _

—

It was late Thursday evening that Hyojin decided he and Seungjun were going to start their weekend early. Completely ignoring the glaring fact that either of them were supposed to work the following day, after a lack of extensive research, he didn’t hesitate to buy the first pair of cheap tickets out of town. He didn’t pay too close attention to where they were going exactly, all he cared about was the fact that they were getting out of the city for the weekend. 

Both of them have been spending too much time at work, and less time with one another, and it was starting to show. Their stress began to chafe uncomfortably against the restless silence of their mundane lives. 

Hyojin’s fingers hovered over the slick surface of his phone, almost twitching in anticipation to tell Seungjun the news. There was no use in letting his excitement overtake his rationale. He reminded himself that it was  _ still  _ Thursday, and even though he had finished work early, it didn’t change the fact that Seungjun was stuck at the office. Neither of them were big shot CEO’s, or executives in general, but they lived comfortably with the salary they worked hard to earn. For a long time, their drive to work was fueled solely by their dedication to their young relationship, wanting to work long and hard in order to provide whatever they could for the other. 

Somewhere along the road they had been walking together, for what felt like a lifetime, they gradually lost sight of everything they used to believe was important. It was amazing what a promotion or two could do to a person, what new groups of friends could do to reshape a world they used to share together. 

He let the phone linger on the arm of the couch, there was no use in upsetting Seungjun while he was in the midst of working. Instead, he filled his time researching the strange vacation spot he’d unknowingly picked for them. Truthfully, there wasn’t much information to dig up other than the fact that it would take at least a full day’s train ride. Not that Hyojin particularly minded, any time with Seungjun was time well spent. 

The clock on the wall read a quarter to midnight; Hyojin was nearly about to abandon his laptop and phone all together when his phone began to vibrate against the thick fabric of the couch. He squinted against the bright light that Seungjun’s caller ID emitted, piercing through the darkness like hope at the end of a seemingly endless despair. 

“Everything okay?” They never bothered with the typical greetings. After knowing one another for as long as they have, it was pointless. 

Hyojin could hear the familiar click of Seungjun’s dress shoes knocking against concrete as he walked some unfamiliar path in the middle of the night. Seungjun cleared his throat against the cold, “I just left work. I wanted to hear your voice as I headed home.” 

Something dormant in Hyojin’s heart melted against the sudden affection, he couldn’t resist the pull at the corners of his lips as he asked, “Do you want to come over?” 

The subtle pause between the offer and Seungjun’s answer was enough to destroy the confidence he had garnered in bringing up their spontaneous weekend plans. He wasn’t sure when the smile on his face had crumbled, and he was about to open his mouth to take it back when Seungjun chuckled against the bitter winter. Before he could even ask what was so funny, the familiar jingle of Seungjun’s keys clattered against the deadbolt of Hyojin’s front door. 

Hyojin was sure his phone actually fell at the sight of Seungjun walking through the threshold of the apartment. “You—”

“Surprise?!” Seungjun shrugged his shoulders, raising his arms to match the motion. 

The elder slowly stood from the couch, still completely unsure if he was actually seeing the world for what it was, or the exhaustion was finally catching up to him. 

“What—” Hyojin stuttered. “What are you doing here?”

“You invited me over.” 

Hyojin chuckled, and it was like watching sunshine bloom as Seungjun’s gummy smile peeked through his lips. “Yeah, but you were pretty much already here by the time I asked.” 

Seungjun flipped the lights and discarded his shoes in place of fleece lined slippers. He smiled genuinely at him for the first time in an age, pressing a lingering kiss against the warmth of his cheek. And it wasn’t until Seungjun stepped into light that Hyojin realized his hair was an ashy brown. For exactly how long had they spent apart? 

“I just so happened to be in the area.” 

“Your apartment is literally on the other side of the city—”

“I missed you…” Seungjun sighed, a cross between having enough of the pointless bickering and something much like yearning. He stepped into the elders arms, fitting in between his frame like he were the lost keys to a city unearthed. 

Wrapping his arms around the back of Seungjun’s neck, Hyojin laced a hand through that impossibly soft hair. There were no words that could begin to describe the absence of Seungjun’s radiant personality, it was like walking into a cave with absolutely no end in sight. Like walking along the shoreline in the dead of night. 

Hyojin could feel the way Seungjun nuzzled his cold face into the crook of his neck, and he couldn’t resist the smile that spread across his face. “I missed you too.” 

They stayed like that for a moment longer before Seungjun pulled away and immediately headed toward the kitchen. Figures. 

“How was work?” Seungjun asked, yanking open the refrigerator door. 

Hyojin shrugged, even though he knew Seungjun wasn’t paying attention. “It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle for the day.”

“It must’ve been a short day for you, considering that you’re still awake despite the late hour.” 

Seungjun shut the fridge, giving up on looking for a midnight snack, and perused around the counter until he reached the bar stools. He let the feet drag across the floorboards as if it didn’t chip or scratch easily, but Hyojin had learned to forgive him for it. There were just some fights that weren’t worth wasting the time over. 

“Yeah,” Hyojin replied absently. “I finished my work early, so I decided to start the weekend early.” 

The younger rested his chin against the palm of his hand. Hyojin could see the deep set bags under those tired eyes and a dull ache began to settle deep in his stomach at the thought that Seungjun wasn’t sleeping again. 

“Do you have to work tomorrow?” Hyojin asked. 

Seungjun nodded reluctantly, the motion of him nodding with his jaw in his hand stirring a chuckle from the both of them. 

“Take the day off tomorrow.” 

“Huh?” Seungjun’s brows furrowed at the suggestion, his back straightening with defiance. 

“Go somewhere with me tomorrow,” Hyojin proposed. “And for the rest of the weekend.” 

A hand flew into Seungjun’s hair, burying itself deep within the roots, an old habit he probably would never be able to break. Hyojin knew better than anyone that the younger didn’t like being put on the spot. Especially when it came to something as spontaneous as going away for the weekend. 

“You’re not asking me, are you?” A hint of agitation lingered in the question, but it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

—

They didn’t crawl into bed until much later that morning. Sometime between the witching hour and the first light of dawn. 

Hyojin couldn’t bring himself to sleep. For the first time in a very long time, they were going to get to spend a whole weekend together. Yet, despite his irrational excitement, he could feel the subtle aggravation radiating off of his partner. 

For the hour they had been laying there side by side, neither of them had been able to fall asleep yet. Hyojin spent at least thirty minutes tossing and turning with all of the anxiety churning in his stomach. Seungjun mindlessly fiddled with his hands, his fingers, the empty space between the nail and skin. Anything his fingers could fit into, a nervous tick that had conjured within the last few years. Hyojin figured it was a defense mechanism to cope with the stress of his new job. However, even in moments like this, as simple as laying together, he couldn’t stand to ask what was running through that fragile mind of his. 

Instead, he dragged himself closer, until their legs were tangled together. And it wasn’t until the suffocating heat between their legs had subdued to something much more comfortable that Seungjun finally lifted those hypnotic eyes to meet his stare. And it felt like they were pouring into one another for an eternity, the words neither one of them could admit hanging in the rift between them. 

Almost hesitantly, Hyojin lifted his arm across the short abyss until his fingers were skimming Seungjun’s overgrown bangs, pushing the hair away from his eyes. In a hushed voice, he said, “You’re mad aren’t you?” It felt more like a statement once the words were actually said aloud, tumbling from his lips like boulders down a hill, but there was no use in taking it back. 

“What do you think?” 

Whatever this was supposed to be, it felt like a test. He urged his heart to speak whispers in his chest, but he could feel the adrenaline crawling up his spine, spilling rubies into the tips of his ears. It felt like he was riding a line far more convoluted than he initially signed onto.

“I think you haven’t said a word for the past hour,” Hyojin approached tentatively. He feigned contemplation, giving Seungjun’s foggy attention time to process the words. “I also think you’re not ready to tell me whatever it is, which is why you refuse to look at or touch me.” 

Seungjun shifted closer to him. It was barely an inch, but it was something. He bowed his head towards him and let it linger there close to his shoulder. Lifting his eyes to meet Hyojin, he said, “I think you’re reading too far into it.” 

Despite their long history together, and the number of years they’ve been dating, in addition to the many scandalous things that have taken place in this very room, Hyojin suddenly felt a whole new sort of exposed. He felt too close for comfort, that even one wrong move could destroy whatever mood had settled in the thin winter air. 

Hyojin gulped, bending his head inward, his hand abandoning its place in his lover’s hair to find its home in the space between his neck and jaw. His thumb skimmed the defined edge, the muscles in his arm flexing against the light pressure that was used to maneuver Seungjun’s face into a new position. 

“Your body has always been much better at speaking for your than those lips of yours.”

Closing the gap between them, Hyojin brought Seungjun’s lips to his own. For half a heartbeat, Seungjun remained limp in his grasp, but then they fell into a rhythm that was like no other. It wasn’t just a kiss, it was Hyojin laying his heart out on a platter for Seungjun to see. That his heart, and the affection that came with it, were always going to be his for the taking. 

Hyojin pushed his bottom lip between the open slot of his lover’s teeth, deepening the kiss until he was being swallowed whole. The younger nipped at his lip until he was sure it was wholly bruised, running his tongue along the raw skin in a heated apology. Hyojin moved to come up for air, but Seungjun clasped a hand at the nape of his neck, ensuring that the elder was under his complete and utter control. 

This was the only way they knew how to relay their feelings to one another. Neither of them had ever been good with words, and frankly, trying to talk about their tidal wave of emotions was like asking the devil for mercy. 

The deeper Seungjun pushed, the further Hyojin drowned. Every ounce of his being felt suffocated by their mutual desperation as they clawed for one another. 

Hyojin’s breath hitched between kisses, his bottom lip trapped between Seungjun’s ever so perfect teeth. And when the latter set him free, Hyojin dove right in for more. 

For he’d rather drown in an endless sea of unspoken thoughts, than tread water in a storm of lies. 


	2. lucid hell

_ Everything beautiful comes with pain. Roses have thorns, don't they? _

—

If they had gotten to sleep a lot sooner they might have actually caught the appropriate train that Hyojin had impulsively booked the night prior. 

This threw a wrench in their plans, but it wasn’t anything in particular that Hyojin couldn’t handle. According to the travel bulletins, the next train wouldn’t arrive for another hour. So, instead of waiting on the platform in the frigid winter air, they took a short stroll to the small hole in the wall cafe that had been situated right in front of the main gates. 

Seungjun linked his arm through his as he pulled the door open, motioning for Hyojin to go on ahead of him. Hyojin rolled his eyes, wrapped a strategic arm just as the base of Seungjun’s waist and forced them into the warmth. 

The shop smelled distinctly of cinnamon. With the holidays rapidly approaching, he was thoroughly convinced that businesses band together to shove cinnamon and pumpkin scented everything down people’s throats until they're sick of it. Only for the cycle to renew the following year. Since it was only November, both Hyojin and Seungjun were still mildly enjoying the scent. However, as the days count down to December, the more they grow to hate it. 

“What do you want?” Seungjun asked, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. 

Hyojin shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, it’s on me.” 

Seungjun’s arms fell limp with disbelief. “No, don’t do this. You’ve already paid for everything else.” 

“That doesn’t matter—”

_ “I’m buying, _ so what are you getting?” 

Hyojin wrapped his arms around the younger and placed a kiss just behind his ear. “The usual is fine. Thank you.” 

There was no point in fighting a losing battle. It was a waste of time and a waste of breath that neither of them were willing to expend. Frankly, everything about their relationship was pretty low effort. They knew how to take care of themselves, both physically and mentally. And it’s probably because they refused to rely on one another for constant emotional support that they’ve lasted this long in the first place. They had their own separate lives outside of one another, but they would always have each other to turn back to when all of the fun and games have settled, and the long work weeks finally give way to the weekend. 

Once they secured their drinks, they made their way back to the overly gray platform to wait for the train to arrive. 

—

“It’s kind of stuffy in here, don’t you think?” 

Hyojin studied the small compartment that had been reserved for them in part awe and suspicion. Seungjun looked right at home in his burgundy wool trench and silver lined spectacles, a book he’s read at least a dozen times perched in his lap. 

“It feels okay to me,” Seungjun said, briefly looking up from the page. “Are you okay?” 

He managed a simple nod, casting his gaze towards the greenery and foliage that passed them by. The sunlight streaming through the great tall windows, making him feel drowsy with the sleep he and Seungjun had forgone the night prior. He briefly shut his eyes to soak in the warmth that the train itself lacked in its dark ebony wood.

The train itself looked as if it had been crafted by the hands of the wealthy. It was timely and timeless, novel and antique, and it was alarming that the cost for something so magnificent was considerably low. It felt like a sham, but it sure was a beautiful one. Seungjun himself meshed well with its aura, a subtle natural beauty that has been set out of place. Amidst as if he were always meant to be here.

“You’re staring.”

Hyojin could feel the smirk growing at the corner of his lips. “Am I not allowed to?” 

Seungjun chuckled, dog earring the page so that he wouldn’t look his place. Not that he really needed to remember. “There are many amazing things aboard this train to look at.” 

“It’s a train, Jun.” The sarcasm dripped from his lips like snake venom. “I can admire it any other time I decide to go somewhere.” 

“We’ve known each other for thirteen years,” Seungjun stated matter of factly. “Haven’t you had enough time to look?” 

“Even forever wouldn’t be enough time.”

Seungjun cringed and hid his face in his hands, “Ew, Hyo.” 

“Don’t play hard to get,” he retorted. “It’s been far too long since our courting days for that—” 

“I mean it.” 

Hyojin flinched at the firm response. It took him several moments of processing the words to say, “Excuse me?”

“Stop acting like you’re a romantic,” he shot back. “We both know that you have to over exert yourself in order to be even somewhat romantic.”

The elder shifted in his seat, an anxious wave of confusion overtaking his emotions. “Where is this coming from?” 

Perhaps, for once it would have been better to be scrambling for air through a storm of lies, than to have such honest protest shoved down his throat like flooding water. Hyojin’s fingers trembled as quickly as his pulse, his heart knocking furiously against his rib cage. 

Seungjun didn’t even appear to be making an effort to think of a response, merely turning back to his book and submerging himself in a place far,  _ far _ beyond this, that, and them. 

—

_ “Hyo? Hyojin, wake up!”  _

Hyojin’s eyes snapped open, heart racing at the jolt of being pulled from whatever daze he’d been treading in. 

Seungjun’s hands were on either side of his face, eyes scanning with that deep set worry that gradually began to sink into the lines under his eyes. Those nimble fingers pushed a strand or two of hair that had fallen into his eyes. “Are you okay? What were you dreaming about?”

“Huh?” He could feel his brows furrowing, confusion settling into his features. “Dream?” 

Instead of the piercing light of midday, the cabin was shrouded in a burnt orange, flecked with gold in places where the shutters cast a shadow across the deep colored wood. He’d fallen asleep.  _ Right?  _

“Were—” Hyojin pushed himself up, straightening himself until he was leaning against the backboard. “Were you saying something before I dozed off?”

Without any sort of hesitation, Seungjun shook his head. “I was reading for a while and when I looked up you were already asleep. I even got some cute sleepy pictures.” 

Everything about this felt like whiplash. If what he just experienced was truly a dream, then there should have been nothing to be anxious about. Yet, somewhere deep down he could feel something stirring. He was standing directly on the blurred line teetering between reality and imagination. 

What held him back from speaking up was the dread of knowing that there was always some ounce of truth in fiction. Threads of truth weaved together within daydreams to create something that’s meant to be wholly original. 

“How long was I asleep for?” 

Seungjun pursed his lips, a brief look of contemplation crossing his face. “Only a couple of hours, but there was no waking you. One of the attendants came by to offer drinks and I tried to wake you to see you wanted anything, but you were pretty much dead to the world.” 

A dream. It really had been a dream. Everything about it felt excruciatingly real, and as much as he trusted Seungjun with his life, the crushing uncertainty threw a shield around his heart. Whether it was real or not, the vision of Seungjun and the things he’d said crept through the cracks of his trust like a parasite. That nightmare latched onto him for dear life, squeezing the air from his lungs were collapsing on top of one another.

“Hyo.” A question curled at the end of his voice. “Hyo, are you okay?” 

He nodded too many times, too quickly. A breath shuttered between them, and Hyojin pushed himself up until he was standing. “I’m just going to get some air.” 

The hesitation in Seungjun’s face was as opaque as the rich black cherry color of his coat, but instead of asking any further questions, he settled for a quick nod. “Okay, I’ll make sure the window is open for you when you’re back.” 

Hyojin didn’t have to force a grateful smile as his lips curled up towards the younger. He leaned forward and planted a small sweet kiss on Seungjun’s crown. The latter took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. 

“I’ll be back soon.” Without looking back, Hyojin slid the compartment door open and headed for the furthest corner of the train car. 

Leaving behind the darkness that loomed over his heart, it was his intention of dethroning the parasitic leech that threatened to hold him hostage. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's short, but hopefully it's okay!! 
> 
> kudos and comments are always welcome.
> 
> feel free to follow me on twt @/LIGHTSJ00N <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! 
> 
> if you liked this, please leave kudos or even feel free to drop a comment!! I love getting the feedback. hope yall stick around for the next one! :)


End file.
